Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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