I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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