call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
