we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
