So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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