Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm like, not good at living.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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