I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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