I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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