Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
