you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize