The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We have so much sex to catch up on
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
not ubering you a puppy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
