Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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