So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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