you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
