Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
