Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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