I wish my penis had an off switch
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
