If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
