i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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