Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I touched a dick in church today
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
