The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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