the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
