I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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