I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
