if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
