Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
