i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
