i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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