I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
