Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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