I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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