Duck Duck Cougar?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
