OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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