nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
