I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
