4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
