someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
