Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
