Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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