I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
