We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
