My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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