my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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