If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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