yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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