so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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