Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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