I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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