FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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