peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
